jz wana express what I feel..

She was sicked a few days ago. So, finally she went back home to rest. But she is going to go back the camp and train after she is recover. She thought that I am angry because of that. Tell you what, I am not really mad at that. Yes, it does let us feel that it is kinna disappointed when I can't visit her when she is sick. Actually I am really tired of telling her how things should be done. What I mean is about out relationship. How I feel. What she needs to do. Feeling like I am have dates with myslef. Single dates. Perhaps this is the real personality of both of us. The relationship is getting worse than before (before we really get togehter). Lesser contact and even the messages she sent were getting shorter and it took hours to reply. She does not aware sometimes I really do need her care. Feeling like I am nobody to her. She does not aware it. May be she feels that this is not a problem. But not to me. I cant bare with it.

It causes I had a really bad temper this few days. I can't concentrate on things I suppose to do. But not to her. She is ratoinal enough to do things. Guess that is the differences of the personality that start to break up the relationship we had. Everytime I think of this, it creates a great fear in my heart. Hey, I am a human. everytime I think about this, I cry. Cry because of the disappointment that I am having.

Everytime I blog up what I feel, it makes me feel better. But after I reread the blog, I fell like I am quite silly (after ielane told me). I am having doubt whether I should publish this.

p/s: sorry to whoever that I might accidentally offended this few days (due to my bad temper).

first day in camp (dedicated to my dear)

This is not the first day for me to be in a camp. But it is hers. Feeling moody whole day. Doing nothing but just keep online and wishing that she is free to chat. At least for a minute. It is understandable that once you're busy, nothing is going to be more important than that. As expected, she did not contact me and until the time when i went out to feed dogs.

A simple sms is really what I need in order to know that I have not been neglected. This kind of situation is obviously been expected since that day we've been together. She is a busy in all sorts of activities. She is responsible and has more sense than I do. It is a big advantage for her own personality but not in our relationship.

But still, she is the one I love. I'll try my best to be more considerable and hopefully she does not forget about me (it is hard to say). Anyway, wish her all the best in camp and hope that she is able to take care about herself. I miss her..

holidays~

A lot of things happened this few weeks. The most important one is that I've survive through my test. It is definitely something that I was worried about before this. But, I think that the result won't be as nice as I want. Anyway, I had succeeded right? At least for now. =)

I went to find my dear two times in four days. Most of my friends think that I'm too stick to her. But then, I am really miss her, especially she is going to a training camp for two weeks. Stupid debate circle. Ish.. I wish I am part of the member of that circle but the fact is that I am not, plus I am not really good in speaking, especially arguing. =p

Next, I've finally joined the investment plan. E.Excel.. No doubt that this is a really amazed products (after I've observed it for about four years). I've seen a lot of amazed things happened in the people around me. They are to be cured in a short period without really relying on the drugs. Hope that this is going to be a wise choice for me. The true for me is to gain money. =p I'm really short of money nowadays. Pokai..

For the family part, siblings and I are planning for the parents' retirement. Sigh, quite a lot of money is needed in order to make them retire. Really wish that they could have a peaceful life after they've retired. Be realistic, they are old and had passed the retirement age. May be this fact has motivated me to try to earn more money. At least I don't have to rely on them and burden them.

These are the photos that I've took during my birthday and other events that happened during the period that I did not update my blog:

perception of life

high commitment + high effort + low expectation = right perception of lifestyle?
Over days of efforts and struggles not to think about it. It has reach the upmost point that I am able to handle. I am really trying hard to avoid the disappoint and not to have high expectation. But it seems like nothing goes the way I wish it to be.I knew that it is not the responsible that neither one of us should carry. It is just the differences in the concept of living.
Final is just around the corner and meanwhile I am worrying something that I should have get rid of long time ago. Perhaps I am just over sensitive in all these that I faced currently. After all, those are just small little parts. Perhaps I am really sucks in holding this kind of relationship. I am tired of waiting and giving out everything.
Will it be better for me to change all these perceptions?

busy yet unmotivated lifesyle

It has been a while since i last blog. Continuous tests since cny had make the life seems dull and meaningless. Is that truly the lifestyle that has to face by each and everyone? Perhaps I am not suppose to follow the course I am studying now. Am I the only one who feel like this? Or there are others who are feeling the same way?

Whenever I am trying to look forward about my future, I am kinda feel like helpless. Cubicle lifestyle is definitely not the one I am desire for. But then what is the reason I chose this course at first? May be it is because it has a brighter future compare to others? am I being influenced by friends? Or it is because I do not have other choices? Sigh.

Being able to graduate successfully in four years time. That is my aim for now. Sounds easy huh? But it is another mountain that I have to climb. "Again, life is never easy. Blah blah blah..." That is what I had been told my lecturer last semester. He is right. If I really want to be success, I have to stay focus and strive for it. It is always easy to say but it need a lot of hard work to fulfill it.
Cheerio..

a night to remember

-240209-
This is the date that is going to be very meaningful for me and also for her. It was really unexpected that it happended so fast and smooth. At first, it was about the rose and the couple key chain. She received it with suprise. Thank God Woan Ying managed to deliver it on time. I owe u one. At night I had my first date with her, the special one. We had our dinner at Hidden Recipe and everything seems so nice that night. The atmosphere; meal; people around us, everything was so perfect. We had a great time chatting around. Then, we went to have a walk at the night market and Tesco. It was a wonderful night for me. We did not meet any coursemates or someone that we familiar with (may be just one or two people that we know). That was the only thing that I was a bit concerned about. After all, the relationship that we were having was still a big secret for others. Surely, we did not wish to let other people know about it.
After I sent her back to her hostel. My pal, Kt started to call and asked for the updates. After having all kinds of discussion, I decided to confess to her. It was one of the toughest phone calls that I had ever made. Of course, at the end, she accepted me. It was a memorable night fot both of us. =) Couple key chain ^^
a nite to rmb.. -140209-
p/s: special thanks to cp and kt for their advices and help.

happy chinese new year

Chinese New Year is just around the corner. Everyone is so anticipate about it. The atmosphere can easily be feel during the last lecture of the day. Even our lecture, Dr Azizah Omar is wearing 'tang zhuang' today. She is the greatest lecturer we have so far. She is nice and good in lecturing. But then when all come to the end, it is all depends on us-to fight and strive for our future.

Back to the topic of the day-cny. Honestly, i do not have any excitement about it. The most I feel great about it is that I can spend more time with my family. Really miss them a lot. Sadly, we cant gather together and have reunion dinner in this Chinese new year eve. Some of them have to cope with their work and own family. I understand about it. Just feel moody. I prefer having reunion dinner with them all. Have chats, play mahjong and jokes around. All I can say is that I love them so much. Strangely, I can express everything inside the blog. But personally, it is hard to speak it out. Perhaps it is because I am a male.(or may be that is just an excuse) =p

Secondly, there are a lot assignments and case studies to be done during this holiday. Overload!! I am going to bring back a lot of references books. But don't think that I can finish all of them. Try my best and let's see what I can really do. Damn depress about it! Especially I just get my result report. Sigh.. Is that the best I can do?

Come on, let's think more positive. The best thing about cny is I can enjoy variety food. Yea, that is the best thing ever! As a matter for fact, the feeling grew stronger and stronger after I stepped into my tertiary studies. After all, everyone show have fun rite? Gathering with group of friends is another fun thing i can think of. It surely will be fun to meet them all again. I am wondering whether anyone of them is going to bring back an extra person? So anticipate to know about it.

Hopefully, it will be a wonderful cny. By the way, GONG XI FA CAI!

p/s: going to miss all my friends in USM.